Moving Your Parents: A How-To Guide to use before you start, during the move, and after the last box has been unpacked

By Susan Chaityn Lebovits

It’s happening. Your parent will be moving to an Independent or Assisted Living Community. You’re looking forward to them having more support and intellectual stimulation. While this transition can be logistically and emotionally complex, careful planning can help make the move as smooth as possible.

From downsizing belongings to handling financial and legal logistics, here is a comprehensive checklist to ensure nothing is overlooked before, during, and after move-in day.

Before Move-Out Day:  Prepare for the Transition

Visit the new facility multiple times to familiarize yourself with the new environment. If your parent lives out of state, ask staff to say hello to them via recorded video, Facetime or Zoom.

• Take photos and video of their new home to familiarize everyone with the various rooms, personnel, and activities.
  Is there a library? A movie room? Gym? Art studio?
• Schedule medical evaluations required by the facility. Ask if exams must be done in the new location or if recent exams with your parent’s previous physician will suffice (more on physicians and record transfers below).
• Review the facility contract carefully, and check for costs and policies on rate increases.
• Leaving the old: Before you pack up your parent’s belongings, take photos of every room, including how art/family photos are arranged on the walls. This will make it easier to reproduce their new home in the new space.
• Sort it out. Begin downsizing by sorting items into “keep,” “donate,” “sell,” or “discard” piles. Be sure that everyone involved in the move does NOT say: “You don’t need that.” My father-in-law took great comfort in bringing a family heirloom (a large wooden salad bowl from Hungary) to his new apartment even though it would never be used as a salad bowl. He keeps the TV remote and mail inside. Seeing the bowl brings him joy. On the other hand, when he wanted to bring along a 7-year-old bottle of foot powder, I gently asked, “When was the last time you used this?”  He then broke into a smile and tossed it in the trash. He found closure going through each drawer.
• Set up a give-away space in the garage and invite neighbors to come over and go “free shopping” for shovels, grass seed or extra dishes.
• If your budget allows, hire a Senior Moving Manager. These specialists can be found on the Ease into Aging website by zip code. They are trained to work with seniors and can ease the tension of letting go of unneeded objects. A Senior Moving Manager will sort through each and every item with your parent, and have the ability to turn a sad day it into a relaxing walk down memory lane. Going though these items may bring up stories from the past that your parent will want to share.
• Consider creating a photo album of items that are not practical to take to the new location. While we know that the old family piano is completely out of the question, it can be emotionally difficult to say goodbye to objects that have been such an integral part of their life.

Preparing for the new

Ask for a floor plan of your parent’s new personal living space, with square footage, to ensure that furniture and personal items will fit. Most senior living facilities have someone on staff to guide families so the new space is most efficiently used. They may also have partnerships with furniture companies who they work with on a regular basis, which may make deliveries easier; the new facility may already have the moving/delivery insurance required.They will also be familiar with which elevators to use, times allowed, etc.

• Books- Will the new facility have a library that might appreciate your parent’s book collection, or should the bulk of them be left behind? Be sure to inquire before assuming that the items will be wanted.
• Cleaning Supplies  Are cleaning services provided? Does your parent enjoy doing their own cleaning? Is this an activity that they might want to continue even if a service is provided? Allow them to transition away from their own cleaning, or have them continue to enjoy caring for their space, either in addition to the service, or in place of.
• Helpful Electronics- Should your parent bring/order any small appliances such as a toaster oven to cook or heat up meals? An electric teakettle? Confirm that these appliances are allowed.
• A large clock that tells the date, day of the week, time, and time of day ( morning, afternoon, evening) is a great item to have in case your parent dozes off and wakes up confused, which can sometimes happen in a new environment.
• Consider adding motion-sensor night lights to the space.
• Avoiding a fall/ Home Safety. Look closely at your loved one’s new space. To avoid a fall, read our Home Safety Checklist.
  
  Change of Address
  Notify parties of the move (post office, utility companies, banks, doctors, etc.). While change of address/mail forwarding may sometimes be done online, MOST MUST be done in person with government identification. This new requirement was implemented in October of 2023 to discourage mail fraud.
• Arrange for utilities to be removed from the old home and added to the new one (if necessary).

  
  Emotional & Social Preparation

  

  Reassure your parent that this change is meant to enhance their quality of life, but also be sure to show compassion. Moving is hard at any age. Keep in mind that while we see them as moving from one physical space to another, leaving their home may also bring up feelings of leaving behind a life partner, friends, and a routine that they are accustomed to.

• Have honest conversations with your parent about the move. If they are anxious or sad about leaving particular friends or neighbors, schedule a few zoom or phone dates for them to look forward to, or if possible, an in-person visit.
• Consider using an online scheduling system to space out visits and phone calls.
• Plan small goodbye gatherings with friends and neighbors.
• If your parent lives near the new facility, encourage them to participate in some activities before moving in. Scour the list and choose something that they are comfortable doing. Now is not the day to learn a brand new skill.

  
  Financial & Medical Logistics
  

• Review and update financial documents and Advance Directives (Power of Attorney (POA), trusts, bank accounts)

• Request ALL medical files be sent to your home or to the new facility ASAP. Many back records are in physical storage units  which are off-site from their physician’s office. This may take a few weeks, so start early. Dentist, Internist, Cardiologist, Ophthalmologist, Oncologist, Dermatologist, Gastroenterologist, and Audiologist. They all have records specific to your loved one. My father-in-law has a very specific hearing aid that has been programmed. Having this information could save a lot of time.

• Consider hiring a Geriatric Care Manager. These professionals are trained to work with seniors and be the conduit between you and your parent. They are plugged into the community and can suggest local doctors, activities, provide / arrange transportation and attend every doctor’s appointment. They can also facilitate medication updates with the new pharmacy, help with follow-up appointments, help with insurance reimbursements as well as schedule any blood work that will need to be done before an appointment. A Geriatric Care Manager can also get all of your parent’s current medical records and have them shipped to the new doctors. Many facilities work with care managers and can make suggestions. You can also find a Geriatric Care Manager by entering in the zip code of your parent’s new home, and interview a few together.

  
  Banking
  

• Many banks are LOCAL, and will require your parent, or you if you have Power of Attorney (POA ), to go in person to transfer funds to their new bank. In addition, some local banks have very particular hours. Check this information before making the drive. If scheduling a transfer to the new bank, be sure to have all of the account and routing numbers on hand. Some assisted living facilities have bank branches on-site.

  
  Pensions, Trusts and More
  

• Do not assume that pensions, IRAs, Trusts, or other holdings will be easily transferred. Inquire what paperwork will be needed at the bank BEFORE your parent moves out of state and allow plenty of time. Confirm that the bank’s notary will be available THAT DAY. Will you need an appointment? Inquire if there a back-up notary on site in case the usual notary has an unexpected personal day.

  
  Payments
  

• Determine payment methods for assisted living costs (private funds, insurance, etc.). How will this money be transferred?
  On autopay? Check?
• Cancel or update unnecessary services (cable, subscriptions, home insurance, etc.).

Legal Documents

Ensure necessary legal documents (Medical Power of Attorney; Financial POA;  Living Will; Health Care Proxy, and your state’s POLST forms) are in place. Keep in mind that each state has its own color of POLST form.

• Review Medicaid/Medicare or long-term care insurance policies. Make address updates. When speaking with each office (physicians, health insurance, medicare, credit card company) be sure to take a name, phone number and email address in case you have a follow-up question. If you are able to create a case number for your inquiries, write it down so all documentation is quickly accessible, and that there will be an electronic paper trail of what you were told. Most companies will have the conversation recorded. Write down the date and time of the call so it can be reviewed if necessary.

Move-In Day: Ensuring a Smooth Transition

• Ensure all medical needs (medications, equipment, medical records) are given to facility staff.

• If possible, keep PDFs of all electronic medical records on your google drive, Dropbox, or your cloud of choice.

• If you have a senior moving manager, find a relaxing place to wait while the space is being set up or drop in on an activity. If you plan to do the move yourself, arrive early to supervise and set up the room to feel familiar. We recommend using the photos that you took prior to move-out in order to replicate things such as photos displays and wall hangings.
• Have a familiar caregiver, family member, or friend present for emotional support.
• Make sure personal items such as family photos, favorite blankets, and keepsakes are unpacked first and on display.
• Walk through the facility again, introducing your parent to staff and neighbors.
• Consider printing up “calling cards” with your parent’s name, email address and cell phone number to hand out to new friends. Sometimes good intentions to meet for lunch or dinner do not happen because the new friend may not have your loved one’s contact information
  
  Handling Paperwork & Logistics
• Confirm security measures and access protocols for visitors.
• Review emergency procedures (exits, meeting points) and that your parent understands them.
• Set up meal plans and dietary preferences with dining staff.

  Providing Emotional Support

• Stay for a few hours to help ease your parent’s transition, but avoid lingering too long.
• Encourage your parent to participate in an activity on the first day. Choose one that is familiar. This is not the day to embark on a new, complicated activity.
• Reassure your parent that you will visit regularly and that they are not alone. Place a calendar on their wall or desk with the dates that you will be visiting. Encourage other friends and family members to commit to one visiting date/Facetime/Zoom during the first three months. One easy way to do this is to create a digital calendar. You can then add these to the hard copy calendar in their room.

The First Three Months: Monitoring Adjustment & Well-Being

Week One

• Visit as often as you are able, to check on their comfort and well-being.
• If you choose to hire a Geriatric Care Manager, they can also make check-in visits.
• Meet with staff to discuss how your parent is settling in. Use this information to see how you can aid in supporting them.
• Monitor for signs of distress, anxiety, or loneliness.
• Encourage participation in activities. If this is a challenge, we’ve created a more in-depth article with tips for how to encourage your parent to be more social.
  
  Month One
  
  
• Assess your parent’s daily routine and any challenges that they may be facing.
• Review care plans to ensure that their needs are being met.
• Observe meals and social interactions to ensure that your loved one is getting proper nutrition and that they are socially engaged. At times, senior living facilities may feel like middle school, with established cliques.
• If your parent has a particular interest (art, wine tasting, knitting, etc.) have them consider starting a group at the facility. This will give your parent ownership and something to look forward to.
• Address any complaints or concerns with management and work toward solutions. Keep in mind that results take time.

  
  Months Two & Three
  
  

• Discuss with your parent how they feel their experience has been, and whether they feel comfortable. Try to evoke specific positives and negatives instead of general overall statements.
• Monitor finances to ensure billing is accurate.
• Watch for signs of depression or withdrawal. If noticed, bring it to the attention of facility staff. Many assisted living facilities have on-staff social workers / therapists to help your parent work through challenges.
• Remember that you must also preserve your own mental health and that you should not feel responsible for everything.
• Celebrate small wins—highlight new friendships or positive changes.
• Moving a loved one to assisted living is not just about relocating their belongings—it’s about helping them transition emotionally, socially, and logistically. With patience and careful planning, you can ensure your parent feels supported in this new chapter of their life.
• You may also find that you could use some support as well. The new responsibilities can feel overwhelming until a rhythm has been established. Here are some of our favorite Caregiver Podcasts to help you through this time.

  

  Should you have any questions or need any additional support, please reach out to us directly.