By Susan Chaityn Lebovits

Whether you live across the country, or across town, there will come a time when a parent will benefit from additional support. But accepting that one can no longer live independently can take a toll on self-esteem and ego. Many parents are particular about how they care for their home, and where their things are placed. Here are 5 test-driven tips to get started, which I personally used with both my own mother and my father-in-law.

Ensure your parent that they are in control.
The angst of having someone in their home is real.
Make certain that your loved one knows that whoever comes to help will be THEIR choice.

Start with very short initial visits.
The most frequent response to the suggestion for outside help is: “I don’t need anyone.” Ensure your loved one that it will be one day a week for two hours. While agencies often have a 3-hour minimum, have a discussion. Many companies will make an adjustment for a new client. This is also a great way to see how you mesh with the company. One your parent becomes used to outside support, they will most likely begin to look forward to the visits. At this point you can increase the time.

Make a list of 3-6 tasks that will help your parent.
For my mother, dishes, food shopping and laundry became overwhelming. Initially laundry was left on a chair in the bedroom. Soon after, I labeled each drawer so her helper knew where things were kept.

Establish methods to keep things in their place.
Taking photos of kitchen cabinets and drawers will keep everyone on the same page as to where things belong.
Making a list of each shelf on the refrigerator, and what items are there, is helpful to keep track of meals and prevent food from spoiling.

Have caregiver/aide shadow your parent to best understand their daily routines.
Is your loved one an early riser? Do they prefer a more leisurely start?
What type of foods do they like? What time/frequency do they take any medication?

When my mother began to forget if she had taken her medication, I purchased a mechanical medication dispenser that rang and opened each day.

I will end by adding that it’s best to get support in place BEFORE there is an emergency.
A few months after my mother accepted help, she fell and broke her collarbone. Fortunately, since we were established with the company, we were able to get full time caregiving 12 hours after her fall. Soon after my in-laws accepted help, my mother-in-law went into the hospital. Fortunately my father-in-law was already set up.

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