By Susan Chaityn Lebovits

Whether you live across the country, or across town, there will come a time when a parent will benefit from additional support. But accepting that one can no longer live independently can take a toll on self-esteem and ego. Many parents are particular about how they care for their home, and where their things are placed. Here are 5 test-driven tips to get started, which I personally used with both my own mother and my father-in-law.

Assure your parent that they are in control.
The angst of having someone in their home is real.
Make certain that your loved one knows that whoever comes to help will be THEIR choice.

Keep initial visits short.
The most common response to the idea of outside help is a resolute: “I don’t need anyone.” Assure your loved one that visits will minimal. Suggest a specific amount of time , such as one day a week for two hours. While some agencies have a 3-hour minimum, have a discussion. Many companies will make an adjustment for a new client. This is also a great way to see how you mesh with the company. Once your parent becomes used to outside support, they will most likely begin to look forward to the visits. 

Make a list of 3-6 tasks that will help your parent.
For my mother, dishes, food shopping and laundry became overwhelming. She began leaving laundry on a chair in the bedroom. I labeled each drawer so her helper knew where things were kept.

Establish methods to keep things in their place.
Take photos of kitchen cabinets and drawers so that everyone on the same page as to where things belong.
Mae a list of the items on each shelf of the refrigerator to help keep track of meals and prevent food from spoiling.

Have caregiver/aide shadow your parent to best understand their daily routines.
Is your loved one an early riser? Do they prefer a more leisurely start?
What type of foods do they like? What time/how often do they take medication?

When my mother began to forget if she had taken her medication, I purchased a mechanical medication dispenser that sounds an alert only opens when it’s time for her to take medicine.

It’s best to get support in place BEFORE there is an emergency.
A few months after my mother accepted help, she fell and broke her collarbone. Fortunately, since we were already established with the company, we were able to secure full-time caregiving 12 hours after her fall. Similarly, soon after my in-laws accepted help, my mother-in-law went into the hospital. Thankfully my father-in-law was already set up.

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