When Mother’s Day Doesn’t Feel Like a Celebration:
Love, grief, and everything in between
By Susan Chaityn Lebovits
For many caregivers, Mother’s Day isn’t about brunch reservations. It’s about navigating love alongside loss, responsibility, and change.
The holiday is often framed as a day of appreciation and connection—but for many of the clients I work with, it feels heavy.
Complicated.
Sometimes even like something to get through.
And if that’s true for you, you’re not alone.
When you’re caring for an aging parent, Mother’s Day can bring up much more than gratitude.
It can bring grief—for the mother you used to have, for the relationship that has changed (or never was),
or for the ease that’s no longer there.
or for the ease that’s no longer there.
It can also bring exhaustion.
You may be managing medications, appointments, finances, and daily needs.
You may not have the support of siblings.
Studies from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving consistently show that caregivers experience higher levels of emotional stress, particularly around holidays and family expectations. Research from the Family Caregiver Alliance highlights something many people don’t say out loud: caregivers often feel both love and resentment at the same time, so the idea of creating a “special day” can feel like one more responsibility.
And for those with complicated relationships, there can be quiet pressure—from family, culture, or social media—
to feel something that doesn’t authentically fit.
If this day feels heavy, consider this:
•Anticipatory grief is real
•Your parent may not be the same person they once were
•You may feel exhausted, resentful—and even ashamed of that resentment
None of this makes you a bad daughter or son. It makes you someone responding to a real situation.
A different way to approach the day
Instead of trying to meet an expectation, try acknowledging what is true now.
Redefine what “showing up” looks like
Let go of traditions that no longer fit.
A short visit, a quiet moment, or watching something familiar together may be enough.
Set a boundary in advance
Decide how much time and energy you actually have.
Communicate it clearly.
Plan for your own emotional care
Build something into the day that is just for you—
a walk, a call, or time alone.
If the relationship is strained
You don’t have to rewrite history.
A simple gesture—a call, a card—can be enough.
Acknowledge the day, your way
Acknowledge the role your mother has played—whatever that has looked like.
Acknowledge the reality you’re living in now.
Acknowledge that love and grief can exist side by side.
It may not feel the way you wish it did, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
It means you’re responding to what is real. And in caregiving, that is often the most meaningful thing you can do.
Have questions? We are here to help. Send us an email, or if you need more time, schedule a free 30-minute Clarity Call.